Mindful Choices

Am I the Choices I Make?

2011-06-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

It has been a long journey in the pursuit of “Who Am I?” Another piece of that puzzle came into place today after listening to several celebrities deal with this question.

The giant A-Ha moment came out of the blue when my internal dialogue told me “I am not the choices I make.” Wow, what the devil does that mean? If I am not making the choices, then who would be?

An understanding floated to the surface that if I am the Choices I make, if I were to make a new Choice then I would need to be a new person. Hence, I asked, when I make a new Choice, does that change the Essence of who I am? Does that new Choice really change who I am, my core values, how I interact with the world, how the world sees me etc.?

The answer is sometimes Yes, it will. However, the next level of understanding is that those Choices lead me to be the more Authentic person inside. It is this shift to the NEW clearer me that is causing anxiety, stress and fear.

How ironic that as I become more of the Authentic me, I find myself more unsure and sometimes take self sabotaging acts to act from the less authentic, but more familiar me.

So, the journey continues and faith remains that as I move toward the more authentic me to Trust “I” know what is best for me to do, say, believe and choose next.

Do I Choose Quality or Quantity?

2011-03-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

I am attending a big marketing/networking training next week that has a huge potential to move my business forward in a quantum leap. It is both thrilling, and terrifying, thinking about the possible outcomes that those three days can bring to my life. In the process of setting up the intention of what outcomes I want to receive, a choice, and intention needed to be set about why am I attending this function? What do I want to get out of it?

While working with my coach Jolette around this question, a challenge presented itself because there are conflicting theories in the networking realm regarding building business relationships. On one hand we have the “Get Everyone’s Card” and follow through camp. Then the other hand is “Connect, Know, Like and Trust.” In reviewing the two options, the second option is the one that resonates best with me.

My intention became: “To connect with three fellow entrepreneurs who are dedicated to making a difference in the world, and who will complete the tasks they agree to with personal, and professional, integrity creating a valued, productive relationship.”

In this “a-ha” moment, other questions arose about where else in life am I settling for taking on quantity rather than quality? It certainly has appeared in my full food pantry, my dinner plate and closets. Why am I surrounding myself with volumes of stuff, what purpose does it serve? Does my self worth allow me to have the quality items? Aren’t quality items worth waiting for rather than being instantly gratified? What about the quality of the time spent in relationships, how does that rank?

So far, these last items are still open ended, but it is fun to stay in the challenge process and keep refining those intentions. Sometimes the best reward is being able to make a statement with 100% knowledge it is the truth about what we want, and that we will settle for nothing less, because something less is worth nothing.

I will not wear BROWN today!

2011-03-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

Today was my weekly Rotary meeting and it may seem like saying, "What am I going to wear today?" is a no brainer question, but my subconscious mind thought it was the million dollar question, and in one sense it was. The clothing choices for my previous visits had been really rather drab, with several brown and gray outfits in there.

Today, I was more mindful of what those colors may be saying about me to others. Am I really a brown or gray person? That answer was a resounding "NO!" Okay, then why am I wearing brown to these meetings? Here is the million dollar answer: because it keeps me in the background. Huh, not a good plan when you are at networking event.

So the next question had to be, what could happen if I choose to wear a bright color today? They NOTICE me and maybe even talk to me. Well, isn't that what I am attending for? BINGO!

So today, I made a conscious choice to still fulfill my personal desire to be comfortable by wearing natural fiber clothing, still look professional and show my personality. Hence today I chose to wear PURPLE, people talked to me and I had a great luncheon!

When the Work Flow Stops, Emotion to the Rescue

2011-02-21T14:56:00.000-08:00

When the Work Flow Stops

There are days when I wonder if I have a mental illness because it is just unfathomable to me how I can be totally excited to work on my businesses one moment, being completely “in the flow” and then the next moment find myself scanning the Want Ads online longing for some stability and a regular paycheck. Today is one of those days.

It just has been almost impossible to concentrate today, which probably means that whatever I’m planning has my subconscious guardian freaking out and finding ways to keep me “safe.” I even know what is being triggered. I am trying to book travel to a marketing conference in March, a task that normally is completed in ten minutes.

However, “Marketing” has definitely been labeled “unsafe” in the near past history. Meeting people face to face and possibly facing rejection definitely moves into the red zone of unsafe territory. It’s time to move into consciously creating “safety” so my subconscious mind will be okay with the big picture and I can just get my travel booked already.

Fortunately, my subconscious mind loves whiteboards and doodling so I opted for exploring some free association writing to remind my unconscious mind that my fears are not as important as the bigger mission in life – to end physical and emotional suffering in others. It may seem like I’m trying to distract myself with a shiny object, but it actually works well because it lights up the emotional part of the brain rather than the logical side, which is where the block is.

Doubt it is a viable tactic? It worked well enough to put a blog post up -- which furthers my career goals. So the next time you get stuck, try using your tool that moves you from logically impasse to positive emotional connection to what you will feel when you achieve the goal.

Savoring the Small Weight Loss Victory Moments

2011-02-17T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today I had to have an x-ray and as the technician handed me the hospital gown robe, my thoughts had nothing to do with the procedure, but rather my mind just said "I hope this thing fits around me." Thankfully, not only did it fit, it had extra room! So, in my grand view of weight loss, having it work for me functionally everyday just got validated. It really isn't about a number on the scale, but being able to navigate through the everyday tasks.

Take Me Out of Context Please!

2011-02-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

Today I was working out the gym and was talking to someone I have known since 2005 when she participated in a walking program I facilitated. We only see each other a few times a year and the thread of the conversation always begins with her taking a visual scan of my body and either withholding a comment, if in her eyes, I do not look like I lost weight recently or her making a verbal comment about looking thinner and smiling. This happens to me frequently and usually I just go along with the conversation to be polite.

Today’s conversation began the same way, but the difference was that today I did not resent her visual perusal as I have done in the past. Today, the a-ha light bulb went off that my life continued to evolve, and grow, in these last six years, but her view of me had not. In her view, I am still in that context of “weight loss/health.” She has not really taken the time to know me any other way and I had not made the effort to let her know what’s important to me now. Until today.

With that a-ha moment came the realization that it was time to provide an update to her context of me. Hence, I introduced a new topic around diabetes and we discussed that for a while. My hope is that the next time she sees me, diabetes will be the major topic rather than my weight loss efforts. If it doesn’t, that’s okay because my core existence is not dependent on the context others see me in. Perhaps my title is, but I am not.

State of the Union: Educated vs. Life Long Learner

2011-01-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

I listened to President Obama’s State of the Union 2010 address with rapt attention. Some had called it a “pep rally” and I felt it had that intention. Which, as a life coach, was a boon to me to stay engaged in listening, rather than expecting to hear another retread of the dry, boring “We are all in crisis, it’s time to pull up by the bootstraps” speech of years past and changing the channel.

Part of what caught my attention during the speech was the call to Innovation and trying new approaches, even though they are a risk. I applaud the recognition that it is time to try something new and let the old models be. Looking ahead is always a personal and professional way of life for me and I owe that attitude, in part, to my educational experiences over my lifetime.

Even though I may not currently use all aspects of the “facts” my education provided daily, other aspects of being educated are used every day. The process of becoming educated provides an intangible foundation that goes beyond the mere measure of test scores, rankings and diplomas that are required to become “innovative.”

How does education influence innovation? A well rounded education supports innovation by an indivdual:

* developing critical thinking skills
* sparking creativity creating the desire to continue learning in that field
* providing the opportunities to explore and fail in a safe environment

We live in a world of language, so as the new education policies come into play, I call for the policies to really call for the creation of a nation of Life Long Learners rather than rote education if innovation is truly the goal.

Embracing My Unique Gift

2010-09-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

Today we had our weekly call for the Coach Training Alliance and I volunteered to be the coach since another coach was absent, not really giving my action much thought other than "there I go, jumping in again when everyone else holds back." I am extremely grateful whatever instinct kicked in because it was the best thing that has happened to me today because it finally opened a door I had been absolutely avoiding -- looking my unique gift in the eye and fully embracing it as me.

I have been practicing life coaching specifically for two years as a profession, but the concepts have always been there within easy reach for me to access in all situations and I had always assumed it was no big deal and certainly not that it wasn't something that was unique to me because that would just be vain and arrogant.

Today, for really only about the third time I've heard feedback on my coaching, I was emotionally totally wide open to receiving the praise the other person was offering on my ability. During their conversation I had to choose to either accept that how I offer coaching to clients truly is a one of a kind experience generated by the authentic me, or choose to be modest and reject their verbal gift yet again as par for the course and attributable to some outside source.

Today I choose to own my own power for what it is. My unique gift is to hear the words people use, find the underlying pain beneath the words, and then find the positive words to bring the dark into the light, banishing the darkness. That is my way, that is my gift, that is me.

Decision time: The Cost versus The Payoff

2010-09-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

In recognition of the fact that I like to always be learning and get bored with doing just one thing over and over again, my business has several branches to it, including teaching fitness classes. This particular branch has many smaller branches attached and today one of the branches was severed, and not by my choice.

Someone else decided it was over, without really offering a reason why possible conversation had come to an abrupt end. My initial reaction was one of absolute rejection, and looking at it as "why do they always say they love me, take me for granted and discard me?"

Thankfully, after my morning walk, a new perspective emerged. In reality, this was a situational test of self expression. The ax came after I spoke up to make changes in my fee received and input into the structure of the class. In other words, I made ripples in the decision making pond of another person and those ripples were not accepted well by the other person.

I had been teaching this particular fitness class as part of a local business wellness program and had recently truly looked at what the costs and payoffs to me were regarding teaching this class and ultimately the evaluation showed that I was offering significantly more in service to the participants and business client than I was receiving and this was my business not a personal charitable act. It was time to make a choice, either stay with things as they were or ask for what I wanted: a per class rate increase and utilization of my expertise to market the class from what I know works from a fitness point of view.

I had been silent before about the situation because I was acting out of a place of need, I needed this job for the exposure to my business to show I'm a team player, etc. My biggest payoff had been feeling great by creating a healthy community as participants gave testimonials but suppressing the personal and professional costs I endured to make that happen weekly.

The new vision was that all payoffs could happen simultaneously: make a difference to others encouraging them to be healthy AND still make the fee that meets my expertise level AND be presented meeting the business goals as well as my ideas. AND they could only happen if I took action to create it, which in Landmark Education is called stepping out onto the skinny branch.

Well, I stepped out, and the branch didn't support me and the fall was pretty short. So now the same choice returns:DO I SPEAK UP to get the payoffs that enliven me, and accept other people's REACTIONS? whether affirming and rejection? The answer is YES, I DO because it isn't worth enduring the costs not to.

Choosing When Not to Lead

2010-07-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

I was asked to be a "group leader" through a process of elimination, no one else wanted to take the role on, including me. In reflecting why the group is stagnant,several things surfaced.

My inner voice went nuts saying how I suck at working with groups and why can't I motivate them to do what we are tasked with? That lead to, why the F*** should I have to? Why can't people just find their own motivation, why do they expect it to come from outside? That's a judgment, but still a valid question worth exploring, even though I know we all need both internal and external motivation.

So, that was the a-ha moment yesterday. It degraded from there, but something occurred to me today. Leadership is about helping to move your group from a possibility by moving, inspiring and motivating them based on what they find moving, inspiring and motivating. Which means the leader needs to invest a whole lot of time into that exploration process and initially it isn't about taking direct action, but all the interpersonal stuff.

That takes time, and sometimes groups are not given the time to have a lengthy exploration. When you are in survival mode, including short timeframes, and big expectations of producing an outcome, the humanity aspect gets laywaid and the full potential of that group is not realized.

So, the real a-ha moment was in deciding to say no to a leadership role, or situation, listening when the intuition says the time isn't right.

What is Committment?

2010-07-24T18:45:00.001-07:00

Today my hubby and I got into another round of fighting over the same old blah, blah, blah and blah. Eventually we got to the point of trying to see where exactly the mis-communication lies. We found it hiding under the rock called "terminology and vocabulary." It pretty much comes down to how each of us interpret what the word "committed" means.

For me, commitment means:

1. Giving your word either verbally, physically, or in a written format to creating a possible outcome.
2. Following through with the actions needed to make your commitment come true, even if that means exchanging one thing for another in the overall priority list.
3. Taking those actions in a timely, and thorough, fashion.
4. Acknowledging when no action is happening and resolving to try again if the outcome is still desired.

I wish I could outline his version of commitment here, but honestly, it's still vague to me what it means beyond having a common desire to see something happen. I feel our biggest difference in the definition lies within that #2, especially with what we are willing to exchange to make the outcome happen.

Accepting Ourselves Right Now - AS IS

2010-07-06T12:46:00.001-07:00

In the past few weeks I made a decision to actively create time to evaluate what my life, professionally and personally has evolved, into. The intention of the work was to see which areas are exactly what I want them to be and which ones need modifications because they just are creating a tight neck muscle on my left side, and making chocolate look mighty tempting as a meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

There are two tracks being worked, one is to use the Landmark Education series and the other is completing additional coaching certification. Both of those trainings have hit upon a major trigger for me revolving around social acceptance and identity. The trigger is that when I communicate in both these venues, the majority of time the people who are listening and I are on a different wavelengths. What I state does not resonate with them but is a critical part of my thinking process for me.

The conundrum for me is to see if I want to pursue trying to find a common communication level or allow things to just happen, and move past it. In actuality, I am acting authentic to myself by using my words, and ultimately this is the goal, to be me and have those who are on the same wavelength, or accept my wavelength for what it is, be attracted to me.

I am what I am "As Is" and that is where I should be, unless I wish to change it, not because say I should, or are unable to relate to me on my level.

I am comfortable with my values, principles, and goals. I know what motivates me. I have the skills to make my dreams come true and the belief to turn those dreams into actions and get results.

The Past - LET IT BE

2010-06-24T20:46:00.000-07:00

I knew life wasn't going how I wanted it to go, not professionally, nor personally. Somehow things just kept seeming harder and harder to do, even though they had been done a hundred times before with ease. In seeking the tool, or resource, or pearls of wisdom, I tried the Landmark Forum program. They promised in three days, and one evening, a transformation would occur. As an optimistic skeptic, I figured I had nothing to lose if my life spark would return.

Amazingly, they delivered! My spark has returned. In those three days, I saw why my spark died, and identified the emotions that diminished it to almost nothing. The option to choose who I am, what I stand for, and what I want from life, in all arenas, returned. These last three days have been more productive than the last three months.

What was the key that ninety four participants, including me received to close the door of our "pasts"? The concept of letting the past "be." I can't change what happened in the past, it is there, forever, and always frozen in time. What I can change is to LET IT BE.

Overwhelmed, Clearing the Decks

2010-03-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

In both my personal life and in working with clients, a constant theme of modern existence is being overwhelmed. Too many actions need our attention, right now usually, and we all have the same twenty-four hour time limitation. It can add even more stress when one has to decide just what is going to have to go. Letting some things go is the key decision rather than trying to make it all work. Perfectionism takes a personal toll on self esteem while task completion builds confidence.

The rule of thumb that has always appealed is that we can only do five things: one for each finger on one hand. Make the "to-do" list and then ruthlessly prioritize until only five key things need to be done in one day. It doesn't diminish the importance of the other items, it just sets the target for that day. If you finish your five, then continue moving down the list.

Injury - Injustice or Learning Opportunity

2010-03-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was going to be an exciting day, it was the first time trying plyometric exercise. Which is adding explosive power elements to build strength. After four years of strength and cardio training, it was time to move to the next level.

The first two rounds of exercise went great, the asthma was bearable, all the joints and muscles were working and that endorphin glow began. Then came the nemesis, the jumping jack squats. After completing two rounds, it seemed as though there was going to be a truce. Then half way through the third round a loud pop indicated the opening round of war had begun as my knee collapsed, refusing to hold my weight.

This wasn't the first time this injury has happened, so the element of surprise is gone. Once the ice quelled the swelling, that negative voice tried to pipe up with, "why now" but was quieted by the sane voice saying, listen to what your body just told you. Why did your body collapse? The answer was weakness.

So, my choice for this experience is to look at the collapse as my body showing me where I need to strength train to become strong and stable, rather than choose to stay weak and prone to injury.

The Answer You Seek

2010-03-03T18:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we ask for advice or direction and when the answer comes, that voice in our head says "NO" so emphatically we stop listening because it isn't what we want to hear, or contradicts what we believe to be true. We physically hear what the other person is saying, but it isn't the same as listening.

Choose to listen once the question is asked. Evaluate what emotional attachment creates the resistance to change. It isn't the suggested change that is the barrier to moving forward, it's the response.

40 is messing with my head

2010-02-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

This year is my husband and I's fortieth birthday. Usually birthdays haven't been a big deal, but this one has been challenging because the past year is has been a poor health year for me - fatigue and acne have been constant companions.

The doctor's best guesstimate is that the decade physiological changes are starting. The choice to be mad is how to cope with this new body while these changes settle out. I really don't want to fall into the infomercial and commercial traps and spend money on something that will not work to promote chasing youth attributes at the same time, my ego doesn't like it when I tell people my age and they don't look surprised.

The path I choose is eating cleaner, exercising four times, or more a week, and seeking less stress.